Home » Therapy & Child’s Name | Khloe Janel

Therapy & Child’s Name | Khloe Janel

My dad thinks therapy cost too much money

So he stopped paying— left me scraping the bottom of

my empty wallet for $60 a week like it isn’t the

reason I’m still alive

He’s yet to accept the trauma he’s passed down,

typical Black household saga and repeated cycle

every Gen Z has vowed to end

I hope I’m alive to see a world where men

listen.

I’m aware this a broad statement but I’ve yet to

meet a cis hetero man who respects and believes my truth

without the need for a dissertation

            or sex

            or another man (or white person) around to agree

with me

I honor my masculine energy through daily gratitude but

I’ve accepted that my greatness comes from Black women

and Black women alone

I’ve accepted that most men are about as worthy of my

energy as the snow that dissolves under my feet when I step

on it

So I give you crumbs of me, bits and pieces since me in my

wholeness have yet to be earned

The more of myself I keep to myself the lighter I feel in my body

I am in heaven when I feel joy and he hates that just as

much as he hates the idea that therapy can

actually help if people let it

On the day I picked our child’s name

I learned that love can exist in the midst of

of chaos

they didn’t understand when I explained that stillness was

a skill that failed me

instead, they handed me a baton, forgetting that I ran track

longer than I enjoyed my childhood

\

those memories are rough around the edges,

bent inward because I prefer to pray on my back

looking above for the answer, they laughed when

I told them I dreamed of having their children

not one once but twice they said I was delusional

and didn’t believe I actually saw the child’s face

Brown eyes as wide as the mississippi river—as

if my ancestors were warning me not to fuck this up

a carbon copy of a passed relative I figured since

she looked nothing us

but rather a loved one we only hear stories about way

down the line when the lesson is finally learned

Biography

Khloe Janel is a queer artist, yogi and therapy enthusiast based in Chicago, IL. Born and raised in Little Rock, Arkansas, they create for healing and liberation. They’re a Vans open mic series winner and Public Narrative scholarship recipient. Their work has appeared in Chicago Womxn Collective, Scout & Birdie and Fearless Femme 100. As well as their literary accomplishments, they’re also an established actor. Having appeared on TV shows such as Chicago Fire, Empire, The Chi and Easy, Khloe is a proud Sag-Aftra member and Co-chair of the Chicago Next Generation Committee.